Winning Entry for World Breastfeeding Week 2010 Essay Contest
(edited for print)
by D
I am a 36-year old mother of a now 22- month old boy, named J. (Names have been changed to protect the identities of the family concerned.)
On 10th Oct 2008 at 1:30am, my waters broke and initially I told my doctor I would like to try for a natural delivery. However, after 10 hours of pain and struggle, the doctor declared that I could not go on with the natural birth because my son’s heartbeat was weak. As a result, I ended up with a caesarean operation.
Afterwards, with a weak body, painful wound, and bloated stomach, I could not get up from bed. I did not even get to see my son because the nurses refused to bring him to my room. When I told a doctor (not my personal doctor) who visited me on the 2nd day that I needed to breastfeed my son, his response was simply that I needed to get the gas out from my stomach first. I was stunned. At that time, there were 3 other mothers together with me in the same ward, but none of them were breastfeeding. I suspected then that that the nurses and doctors were not very supportive of breastfeeding. Apparently, it was not something they saw as being crucial.
Finally, on the 3rd day, I told myself I had to stand up and walk to see my newborn. With my husband's help we walked slowly to the nursery. That was the first time I laid eyes on my son since his birth! I held him in my arms and felt very blessed. It was at that moment that my own doctor came to the room to check on the babies. I quickly took the opportunity to tell her I was eager to breastfeed my baby and she was glad to hear my request because as I was told, none of the 8 babies in that room was drinking breast milk. She was very helpful; she told me to sit down and got the nurse to put my baby in my arms. She helped me to correct my position and guided my baby’s mouth to latch onto my breast. After that, she instructed the nurse to put a breastfeeding sign at my son’s bed that no formula was allowed for my son. I was taken aback and worried that I would not produce enough milk for my son. She looked at me and told me confidently, “You can do it!” To me, that was like an incredible force that coursed through my head. Yes, I had to be sure that I could do it.
From then on, when feeding time came, the nurse helped me walk to my baby to feed him. I was very lucky, J latched very well after the 3rd time. I could tell he really loved latching on, because when his little mouth latched on, he would start suckling and peacefully closed his eyes and looked so very content.
I left the hospital on the 4th day. I breastfed J directly, without the help of a breast pump. As I had to return to work after 2 months of rest, I started to learn how to use the breast pump 3 weeks before I started work. In the beginning, things were not very smooth as I had no idea how to store milk and how much or how often to pump. I felt very depressed when I tried to handle the breast pump; one of the parts was not properly attached and I could not express my milk smoothly. My ever-supportive husband figured out the various parts and trained me a few times until I got used to it. When we started to search online for more information on breastfeeding, we found BMSG and from that point on, all our questions on milk storage were answered!
Just when I thought it was going to be smooth sailing, a challenge came just one week before I resumed working. The caregiver I had hired to take care of my baby decided to back out. I was devastated, and it came to a point where I worried so much, I could not eat or sleep. Finally, one of my aunts offered to help, but the challenge was commuting daily to Johor Bahru where she resides! With no other viable alternative in sight at that moment, we made a painful decision to leave our son in JB whilst we would commute daily to deliver breast milk to him. With such a daunting daily routine, my family members were less than encouraging and told me to give up breastfeeding.
I was very sad at that point of time. I thought I was a very proud mother who was able to breast feed my baby confidently. “Do I really need to give up just because I need to be separated from my son?” That was the question that I kept asking myself. I turned to BMSG again for help and attended their Back-to-Work workshops designed for mothers who are returning to work. It was a very short and simple workshop but when I left, I felt my heart lighten up with hope again, and that all was not as hopeless as I had felt. I knew I could continue breastfeeding my son.
That day, I told my husband that I would freeze the expressed breast milk and bring it to JB every day. When I think about it, I realise that it is a tiring task. As it is, breastfeeding at home is exhausting enough, especially when one goes back to work. Now, I had the additional routine of crossing the packed causeway every day to deliver breast milk. I am indeed fortunate and blessed to have a very supportive husband who then went around Singapore looking for a suitable cooler bag for me!
It never rains but pours. Challenge after challenge befell me. When I reported to work on the first day, my boss told me he was transferring me from the office to a retail outlet. With this latest move, I knew that pumping was going to be a challenge at the workplace. At least at the office, I could pump in the pantry and store my milk in the fridge. But in the outlet, there was no such facility available. When I spoke to my boss about my desire to continue breastfeeding, their comment was to stop breastfeeding because: I would not be able to express milk in the shop for the sake of the company’s image.
My lady boss who worked full time in a hospital told me there was no strong proof that breast milk was the best for baby. With technological advancements, formula was equally good if not better than breast milk. They doubted I could cope with the stress of commuting to JB daily just to deliver milk to my son and wondered aloud if that would affect my job performance.
One of them even made the effort to get my brother to speak to me, following which my brother and sister- in-law did come to my house, bringing with them a book about “what to do when breastfeeding is not favourable”. They told me they brought up their son with formula milk and that he was smart.
To me, this was the most challenging problem I faced. I became depressed because I needed to continue working for our family and could not afford to leave my job. Yet, the bosses were not encouraging at all. Not even my own flesh and blood was taking my side. When my husband came home that night and found out what had happened, he was livid!
He made a proclamation so strong, that I will never ever forget it in my life:
"No one has the right to decide for my son what milk he drinks. He is our son and we choose what to feed him. He has only one chance in his life to enjoy breast milk, ONLY ONCE in his life! Even we as his parents have no right to take away his RIGHT!"
I could not stop crying when my husband told me that. My tears were tears of joy and tears of hope. I knew my husband was going to support me and walk with me through this journey. From that night on, our resolve was even greater that come hell or high water, we would continue to offer our son the best start – breast milk.
I started to wake up early in the morning to express milk before I went to work. And I tried to eat a quick lunch so I could use my lunch break to express milk in the public toilet. I knew it was not the best place to express milk but that was the only place I had if I wanted to continue offering breast milk. I was very blessed because a few weeks later, the owner at the shop next door offered her fridge for me to freeze my milk. And then, one of the toilet cleaners actually guided me to a cleaner public toilet where I could express my milk.
Every day after work, I would express one more time before I headed for the bus back to JB. Initially my husband and I were aiming to feed our son for 6 months, but in the end we managed to continue until he was 11 months old.
That was our victory! It may be a very ordinary story for many people who breeze through breastfeeding or for whom breastfeeding is not a big deal, but for me and my husband, we are always very proud when we share our story with others. It is really our VICTORY! WE MADE IT, YES!
Last but not least, to all mothers-to-be, I wish to share that your baby only has breast milk once in his lifetime. Therefore, try harder!
President’s Note: This story won the vote for the judges because it amplified a very positive mindset of the parents to come through the difficult times. From the birth through confronting the daily struggles of a working mom, D showed immense resilience and determination. Above all, we were most touched by the proclamation of her husband whose support can only be described as stellar! We wish for all moms to have equally supportive husbands, families, friends and bosses.
Each issue in the parenting section, I try to highlight one issue which does not get much press because, like breastfeeding, it is not something that is usually marketable. You generally won't find information about it in the goodie bag from your hospital tours, or in new parent magazines. That's because there's generally no accessories or products to sample, and there is no money to be made from telling you about these topics – though they are important ones that matter to your baby and to our planet. This issue I have included the topic of Elimination Communication – a method of communicating with your very young child about their elimination needs. Lynnette Chan has composed a wonderful introductory article, and I hope you will be inspired by it.
